When toddlers begin learning to talk, they quickly discover the usefulness of two words in their early vocabulary: “no” and “why.” Inquisitive kids who discover the power of the word “why” use it persistently — and not necessarily out of curiosity.
“OK, Tommy, let’s pick up the toys now.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re going to get ready for your bath.”
“Why?”
“Well, so we can get you nice and clean.”
“Why?”
Any adult within earshot of such an extended exchange knows how grating the “why” question can become. Older kids soon find themselves on the receiving end.
“Tommy, why did you do that?”
“Tommy, why haven’t you cleaned your room yet?”
“Tommy, why are you ignoring your mother?”
Over time, the “why” question becomes associated with accusation, and consequently puts people in a defensive posture. Think of a defendant on trial: “Tell the court why you did that.”
That’s unfortunate, because asking “why” is a direct, unequivocal means of obtaining useful information and explanations. Whether conducting a job interview, trying to determine the cause of something, or trying to learn the rationale for a decision, “why” gets to the heart of the matter. However, being asked “why” can be intimidating. People who feel on the defensive end of a discussion are unlikely to be forthcoming in divulging information. Being asked “why” can make people reserved or hesitant. That’s not an effective way to elicit information.
Fortunately, you can use lines of questioning other than bluntly asking “why” to learn the purpose or reason for something.
“Help me understand.”
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When we at EditPros are having a conversation (we prefer that term to “interviewing) with someone to obtain information, we typically avoid asking “why” something occurs. Let’s say we’re speaking with Barbara. We’re likely to ask, “Barbara, can you help me understand …?” That approach reinforces the concept that you regard Barbara as someone in whom you have confidence to explain subject matter that you don’t fully understand.
If you’re trying to learn why a particular decision was made — why one job applicant was chosen over another, why a regulation was adopted, why an office is being closed — but you want to avoid creating the impression of being accusatory, you can use any of several gentler approaches to elicit that information.
Ask about motivation, not provocation
Barbara might interpret another question — “what provoked that decision?” —as harsh and critical. Instead you might try “what induced that change?” or “what motivated that decision?” To cast the question in an even more positive light, consider asking, “what inspired that decision?” or “what influenced the decision to change direction?”
Ask “how” to focus on the underlying process
Asking “why” sometimes can elicit a terse, guarded response. The thought process behind a decision can lend insight and yield a much more meaningful explanation. Consider a more hospitable approach, such as, “how did the organization function previously?” or “how did this idea for a new approach develop?” or “how did you realize that a change would be advisable?”
Use “what” as a buffer
Instead of asking “why,” try to compose questions in a “what” context, as in “what prompted that decision?” or a variation, “what led to that decision?” That approach reframes the question from a blame focus to a query about the conditions or situation upon which the decision hinged.
Focus on the purpose of an action or decision. You might ask Barbara, “what conditions or changes in the marketplace came to your attention?” or “what stands out in your mind as a pivotal point that gave rise to that decision?”
Asking about the intention or objective of a policy change is less threatening than point-blank asking why. You might ask, “what new opportunities does this change enable?” or “where has this new policy taken the company?”
How do you mean?
Even “what” can put someone in a defensive mode if the question is “what do you mean?” We’re reminded of a successful salesperson who countered customers’ objections not by asking “what do you mean” but rather “how do you mean?” Although not a grammatically correct inquiry, “how do you mean?” softly and indirectly seeks an explanation that can help lead to common ground and a constructive resolution.
A query that’s not a question
You can even cast a question as a statement — a request: “please tell me about the way that new policy was developed.” Grammatically, that is a statement, not a question. Furthermore, that approach shifts attention from Barbara to the fact-finding and analytical process. As the conversation continues, you can interject “tell me more” to obtain further explanation.
Yes, all of those questions are wordier than simply asking “why,” but they build a cushion around the question and give Barbara a soft landing place.
The most productive questions elicit the most explanatory answers. Asking about someone’s decision-making process rather than bluntly asking “why” offers a way to change an accusatory-sounding question into a compliment. “Tell me how you decided” is an invitation for Barbara to share her insights. That’s a mark of respect rather than a threat, and is likely to elicit far more useful information than asking “why?”
